Just rambling...

So here I am...have a rough couple of days...for a few reasons... 1. Hormones! damn the hormones. 2. I can't control my kids...they do what they want and have no respect... 3. ...which leaves me to believe that I'm a bad mom and I am doing something wrong. 4. I'm bored of the same old thing. 5. Hormones! 6. When I need to talk, I don't and that makes it worse. 7. And I'll end my complaining by saying HORMONES! I started taking FOUR progesterone pills 15 days before...ah, hem....aunt flow comes and I think it helped. Looking back on the past couple weeks, I seemed to be ok. It's just these 2-3 days right before that get me. It's like, if you have ever been depressed and know that feeling of just not really caring about anything...not wanting to do anything...resenting everyone for no reason at all...tired....bitchy.....you name. If you have been there, you know what I'm talking about! These 2-3 days are like that. It hits me like a brick and I don't want to me be anymore...and even though I KNOW it's just hormones and it will be gone in a few days, It overwhelms me and still sucks just the same. My doctor prescribed some anti-depressants to me last time I saw him, and told me I could either try taking 4 progesterone pills for 15 days (I was always just taking two) or I could still take two progesterone and anti-depressants for the 15 days before. But I'm thinking I may just want to take them the 2-3 days before. The anti-depressant he prescribed is not a dependent pill...I could basically take it when I needed it and I think I'd rather feel nothing on those days then feel hate towards my kids, myself and the world. Ok, well that was a personal glimpse into my life....but I needed to get that out. Kind of knowing that Alan will read it and because of the way I've been feeling, I haven't said anything to him....but he knows...we've been together for 8+ years! So on a more positive note.... 1. Ryan (my brother) is coming over tomorrow to help me get my website searchable in the search engines! I'm in the process of getting my business license and I'm ready to take my photography up a notch and try and schedule more sessions! 2. Alan says he's going to rearrange the living room and that will be a nice little change. 3. Alan and I (and the kids...wish it was just Alan and I) got to go to Eric and Susan's for a fun date night. We did chocolate fondue and deep fried foods! yummy...can't beat that! 4. I'm headed to bed, and I like sleep! So goodnight all!