Thursday, March 22, 2007
My thoughts...
OK so here I go. I understand that people read this bog, who knows how many...but I really need it for me and for me to vent on. I hold back because I don't want people seeing me the way I see myself, If that makes sense? Right now I'm feeling down, blah, depressed. In fact, I've been feeling this way for a while. It gets better here and there, and that's why I say "OH, I must be OK, if I have moments that are better". Like, if I have depression, then I would have good moments, so therefor, nothing is wrong with me. I've been telling myself this for YEARS! I remember the first time I really connected they way I feel with hormones. It was while Alan and I were dating and going to UVSC. I had been a totally brat and was feeling down. We were in the parking lot of UVSC (and it seems like we were in a van...not sure why...did your mom have a van Alan?). Anyways, we had talked for an hour at least and Alan mentioned that my moods revolve around my periods. Well ding, ding, ding...there you go, hormones! So now years later, I've narrowed it down to OMDD, which is like pms, but way worse because it effects daily life. But, then I think it must be something worse because it feels like I'm down more then I'm happy. and it's something I hate to admit because why can't I just control it? Why can't I just be happy and tell my bad moods to go away? I don't know. It's like, I know some people may think "whatever...do something about it"
OK, I was in the middle of writing my thoughts this morning...blah, blah, blah, whatever...
So it's almost nine now and I just don't have much to say. I think my life is like anyone else...we all have our own challenges whether big or small....so It's just something that I'll need to work though. I just don't want to wake up in 10 years the same as I am today and still be unhappy.
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6 comments:
Melissa- I understand what you are saying, not that I have been through it, but I get it. When I was on birth control it was similar. I know how you feel about not being able to control your moods. I really think that there comes a point where you have to do something about it medically. For me, it took switching birth controls. Also, I believe that you also have to do something about it Spiritually. I know that you don't want to go to church and what not, blah, blah, blah, but you have to believe in something that will help you through this. For me it is Jesus and how He suffered for me and He knows what I am going through. He also has a plan for me. So, with that, I was able to believe that things would get better. I really think that you can be happy. I think it is going to take a bit of both medical marvel and faith. It makes me so sad to hear that you are sad and blah. I just want you to be happy. You have so much to be happy about (and I know you know that). So that is why I think something has to change. Those hormone pills just aren't cutting it.
Sorry this has been quite the long comment. I can hear you upstairs, so I know you are awake still, but if you still have computer time left, I don't know.
I love you. I know you can be happy. I know it with all my heart and I will help you get there. Whatever I can do for you sis, I am here!
Night-
((HUGS)) I am sorry you are having some rough times. Depression / hormones suck! I have a hard time trying to kick my bad moods to the side. It is my thought process, I have been listening to Tony Robins, don't know if you have heard of him, he is a great motivational speaker. I have been really trying to get out of my slump I have been in for 8 years!! LOL I think being a mom full time can wear on anyone. We never get to focus on ourselves. I think it is time for a GNO!! :) Ok, there are my rambling thoughts at 8am!! hehe I hope things can get better for you.
Melissa,
I really think that there comes a time when you need to take the reigns and say enough is enough. If you glance back over the years and see the cycle of mood swings and cycle of unhappiness, and if someone told you that there is a way out NOW, would you do it? Would you be willing to give it a try? I REALLY, HONESTLY, SERIOULSY think that you need to give the antideppresants a try. Ithink that your problems stem from both hormonal and seretonin (Brain) issues. I think you need to stop thinking as medication as a crutch, and start think of it as a tool. What is thew worse that can happen? You start to feel better? At least if you tried it, you would know. PLEASE, I have been telling you for years now to at least give it a chance. I promise you there will not be any regrets!
I Love you!
Christi
I hope you find a way to work through this Melissa. You are such a good person and you deserve all the happiness in the world. I'm thinking of you.
i miss your blogs
I don't want to bother you too much, but I check your Blog every morning, and you don't write! I want to know how you are, and this is one of very few ways I can know.
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