Thursday, May 17, 2007

ugh...

So here I am, feeling down again. I wont go into to many details, but I think I'm finally at a point where I'm going to try anti-depressants (I know you'll like that Christi he he). Alan and I were talking today and I said something like "It doesn't matter what I have or how good I have it....something inside me wont allow me to be happy". And that's pretty much it. I KNOW I have a good life. I'm not a dumb person. I have a family that loves me and I have good friends and things that should be enjoyable to me in my life. I think about any different type of scenario...What if I didn't have kids (which, yes, adds a lot of stress in my life). Would I be happier? No, not really. What if I were single and had the stresses of marriage. Would I be happier? no! I have it good. I have a wonder husband who despite all my ups and downs, still loves me for some reason. Well, anyways, I'm really wanting to vent, but I wont....

5 comments:

Amy M said...

I think you are right Melissa. Please follow through with this, even if you have a few good days. This isn't your fault and it isn't something you can fix just by trying to think good thoughts. You are a good person and you don't deserve to live like this. I'll be thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Meliss~ good luck with that. Whatever makes you happy is what we all want. :)

Anonymous said...

hey Melissa I went to a class on depression. You know I struggle at time with this too. Well, they said that sometimes it is good to to anti depressants and therapy hand in hand.

(I dont care if you publish this...but I thought that was interesting because I know between the 2 of us we have talked about both) I am not saying just one isnt good for sure it is an awesome step...i just forgot that i wanted to tell you that

Love ya

Anonymous said...

A lot of people love you.

MelissaHash said...

Melissa~ I'm on anti-depressants and they are a tremendous help. PLEASE FOllOW THROUGH with this, I've been hoping that you would make this decision for a LONG time! Please try them, a low dose can really make that "dark cloud" disappear and you DESERVE that.